2021 Note: Reading the first section of this letter 20 years after it was written makes me wonder whether I'd gone mad or had too much Christmas cheer before writing it. I'll leave it up to you to decide.
Dear All,
I watched a show about weather in Canada on SBS TV last week and learnt two things from it:
Firstly it must be a really hard to live through a Canadian Winter, Spring or Summer. In Winter - freezing rain brings down all the power lines leaving you without power for a month or so, tree branches break under the weight of the ice and driving is impossible since you car is trapped in the ice like an insect trapped in amber. In Spring it's worse - the frozen ground is unable to absorb moisture and late snows mean the rivers, that begin life in the USA, become floods of Biblical proportions by the time they cross the border into Canada. In summer those otherwise welcome afternoon thunderstorms turn into tornados and leave a path of death and destruction across most of Canada on almost every Summer afternoon.
The second is that that people have a very short memory when it comes to weather - if we haven't had a flood, storm or wet summer for 10 years, then we believe that weather without those destructive forces is "normal". Of course 10 years is nothing in the scheme of things and it is our short memories that deceive us.
10 years is also nothing in the ebb and flow of annual Christmas letters. As you read this letter, ask yourself if you have seen it before? Could Ian be recycling a letter he sent you 10 years ago in the belief that your memory is incapable of recalling events after that time interval or is this a fresh and novel approach to the annual diatribe?
On with the news.
Most letters at this time of year focus on our childrens' achievements, this one is no exception.
Lachlan, our eldest at 17 years, has had a successful year completing his Higher School Certificate examinations in early November. Overall we have found the whole experience to be one that has brought the whole family a sense of almost ZEN like calmness. To watch Jacqui and Lachlan work consistently and positively toward the ultimate pinnacle of his 13 years of schooling without a harsh word or expletive has been a lesson for us all. It's also worth noting that the body responsible for setting the external examinations threw their marking guidelines to the wind when they read Lachlan's solutions - it was they said, as if the sun had finally dawned at the end of a long Winter night (possibly of Canadian severity) and all was now clear to them. When Lachlan was asked if he could attend a special ceremony where he would be awarded an Honorary Doctorate by the University of Sydney for his contribution to human knowledge during the HSC, Lachlan of course refused; he told the Vice Chancellor that he was already booked for "Schoolies" on the Gold Coast of Queensland and he knew that the other 40,000 under age drinkers would not start partying until he arrived.
Anja is a woman in her prime having turned 15 in April this year. Many students find year 10 to be somewhat of a trial as they seek to be treated like adults but, fondly remembering the exuberance of their youth, act like children somewhat younger. Not Anja! She has embraced both adulthood and year 10 with a firm, almost Arnold Schwarzenegger like grip. In Hockey for example she has made a lasting positive impression as her team's goalie . Another challenge to be brushed off with confidence and aplomb was her two Silver Duke of Edinburgh walks - each three long days of almost unendurable hardship. The original plan was to walk across Antarctica unaided and without support of any kind. This plan had to be abandoned when the ship sank half way to the frozen continent and Anja and her 3 companions were forced to swim back to Tasmania. Once their feet were on terra firma there was no stopping them; they chipped off the ice, amputated a frostbitten limb or two and began a trek around Tasmania, Australia's largest island. When he heard of their feat, the Duke himself flew out immediately to congratulate Anja and her friends, but they left a note that simply said - "Late for roll call, sorry we couldn't wait".
Rohan is the wild one of the Ralph household. A number of theories have been put forward to explain his behavioural characteristics. Those who favour the influence of genetics on an individual suggest that Jacqui's genes have a lot to answer for. My favourite theory is much more firmly in the "environment" camp, although I have not conducted any experiments to determine which is true. My view is based on the way Rohan is forced to sleep in the garage and hunt for his food; but I could be wrong.
As you will no doubt recall, Rohan is completely obsessed with motorcycles. He recently robbed a bank (only kidding - it was his parents) to buy a new Kawasaki KX 100 motocross motorbike. His first ride had him shooting off a special kind of jump those in the know call a table-top. I tried to warn to local air traffic control, but they failed to take me seriously. The pilot of an Airbus A300 on approach to Sydney's Kingsford Smith Airport was startled to see Rohan dressed in body armour (the likes of which would turn a Samurai warrior green with envy) emerge from what appeared to be a small cumulus cloud. The cloud was, of course, smoke from his two-stroke KX-100.
An activity that Rohan will be forced to endure next year in year 9 at Knox is cadets. Rohan is reported to have challenged the Commanding officer on the first parade with "I'll kill the lot of you before I'll compromise my pacifist beliefs."
Jacqui's year has been quieter than last, having completed all of the extension we could afford her project management skill were no longer required at home. On the job hunting path she was soon approached by Lend Lease who wanted her project management skills, but she turned that one down preferring instead to use her talents for good rather than evil. As a result much of 2001 was spent working with Lachlan as already mentioned above. In her spare time she ran a household for 5 people, coached 15 - 20 hours each week and managed to land a few web designer jobs in the process. Her latest job is with Macquarie University, managing the creation of the Information and Communication Sciences Department's website.
====End Crazy stuff====
Seriously for a minute:
2001 has been a good year for the Ralphs. Everyone has been happy and healthy and the stress of Lachlan's HSC examination has been as much a uniting experience as a traumatic one - just as well as we have a HSC to look forward to in 2003 and 2005 for Anja and then Rohan. Lachlan, now having a licence and access to a car (thanks to Jacqui) we hardly seen him, although when he runs out of money I expect he will be at home more often.
Jacqui's work at Macquarie University has been good for all of us. It allows Jacqui's to drop the boys off at school, as well as get to all those school functions , that a good parent should attend. It has also been good our bank balance - for a 60 hour job it has blown out to several months and I hope it blows out again to 60 months!
Many of you who saw last year's effort may be wondering about the tree frogs that Jacqui spent so much of her time on. Unfortunately they all died within a few weeks of each other; it appears that they are particularly susceptible to fungal infections and in spite of Jacqui's best efforts using various drugs she got from a fellow frog lover (yes there is more than one!).
Rohan continued his love affair with motorcycles and recently bought a brand new Kawasaki KX 100 motocross bike. We picked it up in early December but it was a week or so before we could find a weekend for him to have to ride it. Eventually we trailed the bike up to a friend's place near Oberon, south-west of Lithgow. All appeared to go well for the first 3 minutes or so and then the bike simply stopped, steadfastly refusing to go again that day. The culprit was a fouled sparkplug that could not be cleaned. We enjoyed the drive to Oberon nonetheless.
More recently Rohan and I took the bike, along with a friend (Nick), his two teenage sons (Jake and Tom) and their bikes to a property near Muswellbrook. The property, called Highfields, has an abandoned farmhouse in which we stayed in relative comfort. On arrival Nick gave the usual lecture and verbatim I will quote it: "This is classic snake country - I want you boys to take care and if you do see a snake, don't try to hurt it. Most people who are bitten by snakes are usually trying to kill the snake" We all nodded sagely and everyone immediately forgot everything that Nick had said, the boys donned protective clothing and rode off in a cloud of dust, leaving Nick and I to unload the car.
Fortunately I have not often come face to face with snakes in my life but this trip was to make up for that omission! On my second trip into the house with an arm full of luggage I entered the back gate and started walking down the rough concrete path to the back door. This being a farm cottage there was the usual corrugated iron water tank perched on roughly cut wooden stumps no more than 2m to the left of the kitchen porch door. Underneath was a pile of firewood for the fuel stove. Imagine my surprise when a 2m (6ft) brown snake literally leapt from the top of the water tank raised it's head and, looking me straight in the eye, began moving rapidly towards me. Naturally I turned and ran out the back gate, stupidly thinking that a few strands of fencing wire designed to stop 500kg cows from eating the farm's fruit trees would protect me from this obviously angry reptile. I turned to see, thankfully, that it had given up the chase and was now disappearing rapidly into the wood pile, leaving only the last 30cm or so of its tail exposed.
When I called Nick to look I was surprised to hear him ask "What do you think we should do, try to kill it?" (See I told you we all forgot Nicks lecture!) We left it there and I'm happy to report that it stayed away from us and we also gave the water tank and with it's stack of firewood wide berth over the next two days.
That was not the last I was to see of big brown snakes. The next day Rohan, Jake and I were riding in a distant part of the 7,000ha property as we tried to find our way back to the farmhouse using a map roughly sketched by the owner's wife (the map, it turned out, is one of the great works of fantasy rivalling Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings - but that's another story) when we had our second close encounter. This time I was turning onto a narrow cow path through waist high thistles when a brown snake, about the same size as its cousin under the water tank, decided that life was too boring and a short excursion between the wheels of my slowly moving bike would make for a pleasant diversion. Fortunately for the snake I was able to lift my right leg allowing it to continue way from me and, much to Rohan's disbelief, straight for him. I'm pleased to report that it veered away from Rohan at the last minute and found refuge in a rotten log.
Lachlan's year has been dominated by his preparation for his HSC examination. His results were pretty good for someone who thinks that a reasonable study timetable works around 15 minutes of study followed by 45 minutes of recuperation. He did particularly well in mathematics, scoring over 90 and a place in the published Honours list. The real use of the HSC credential for Lachlan is as a means for entering a University - the universities take the HSC results of all candidates apply some statistical transformations and come up with a single figure, out of 100, that ranks you against all other candidates. Lachlan scored 91.75, a mark of which he can be proud and which should earn him entry into many university undergraduate degrees in which he has shown interest. High on his list are degree courses in Information Technology.
My previous frivolous ramblings about Anja's exploits this year are based, in part on fact. She has completed two Duke of Edinburgh expeditions on her way to her Silver award and has been playing Hockey for recreation each Saturday during winter. Next year she begins her Preliminary HSC studies and I'm sure she will do just as well as Lachlan as she seems to have a more realistic expectation of how to construct a study timetable than our eldest boy.
My (Ian's) year has been less spectacular than the rest of the family's as I spent most of my time running around for the children, and there's nothing new in that. Like most of my colleagues I scan the employment section in Saturday's Sydney Morning Herald for my job; to date it has not been there - a good sign meaning that I still have a job every Monday. My main recreation remains motorcycles, but you've heard enough of those.
We all hope that you have had a great year and that 2002 is all you can hope for.
Lots of love
Ian, Jacqui, Anja Rohan and Lachlan.